Kindergarten Prep: Teach Your Kid to Play by the Rules

I see parents do it a lot.  Let kids "win" by changing the rules to a game in order to build their confidence.  The heart behind it is good, but ultimately, what your teaching your child is going to be a hindrance when they get around other kids.  I see the results of this especially in only children.  For example:

I had a group of students who wanted to play Candyland.  All of them were cheering and talking about how they played the game at home.  Two of them were playing by the traditional rules, but the third child kept wanting to play by a different set. "No, when I get two yellow, it actually means I can go four!"  "No, I don't have to miss my turn when I land there."  He's probably been allowed to "fudge" the rules at home, either because parents don't want to him to have to lose, or because they wisely know that Candyland can actually take up to four hours to play :)  Either way, the other kids were getting mad and he was really upset when he didn't win.

Teach your kids to play by the rules and to be good losers.  Teach them how to respond to losing by congratulating the winner (Good game!) and consoling themselves with positive statements (Maybe next time!  That was fun! You win some, you lose some! and Maggie's favorite, Bummer dude!).  Teach them to be good winners. (Maybe you'll win next time!  Thanks for playing with me.)

Play games that are age appropriate so you don't have to change anything.  Or if you do change the rules, explain what you are doing and why, and keep the changes consistent.  Tell them that when they are older you will teach them the big kid rules.  If you've got a younger sibling that wants to play, ask your older child to help make a different set of rules for them.  Keep it in the open and on the up and up.  Explain that when the younger child gets to be as old as they are, they will play by the real rules too.

Follow the rules yourself.  If your child sees you breaking the rules, they'll think it's okay to do it themselves, then wonder why they get into trouble.

What this will mean for your child:  They will be more confident when they lose and more gracious when they win.  Future classmates may find other faults with your child, but at least he won't be labelled "cheater" or "unfair", banning him from all group games on the playground.

What this will mean for their teacher: A child she can trust to be in charge of teaching other kids the rules, whether they be how to play a board game or how to walk down to the office with a message.

What to do when...

your child bites someone.

Yes, it happened today. Maggie bit her classmate because he wouldn't give her a book she wanted. To be fair, Maggie didn't go to sleep until 11p.m. last night after a fun-filled weekend out of town. No excuses, but I can't imagine anything else but sheer exhaustion prompting her to do this.

So how did we handle it?

Well, in class she was asked to apologize then spent some time on the time out rug. When I picked her up from class, I rejoiced at seeing her, praised her artwork, gave her a big hug, then took her to the car to have a heart to heart chat. I asked her what happened, and she gave me a very detailed and honest account. (Phew!) Then I gave her the bad news. When you choose to hurt a friend, you choose to play no board games when we get home.

She tried to mold what I had said into something a little more pleasant; "Yeah, Jack will eat the pieces." "But I didn't hurt Jack!" I clarified for her that she didn't get to play the beloved Candy Land and Curious George Beach game (which is really fun, by the way) because she hurt another person on purpose.

Sad choices=sad consequences.

And she was sad. Did she learn the lesson? I think so. Tonight, during evening prayer time, she asked God to help her be nice to her friends and to make John* feel better.

Mission Accomplished. For today.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Happy Fourth of July!

Happy Fourth of July everyone! Let's take a moment today to talk to our kids about why we celebrate this holiday. Sure, the fireworks and hot dogs are great, but if you're looking to get a little more out of the holiday, check out these neat ideas.

Talk about citizenship with your child. Being a good citizen for a preschooler can mean:

obeying the law,

picking up trash in your community,

helping the family with the chores,

respecting other people, regardless of how they look, act, or believe

and knowing what symbols and ideas represent our country.

Read some books about America and talk about them as you go. Below are a list of good ones you can get from the library.

America the Beautiful by Jane Yolen

Happy Birthday America! by Martha Wilson Chall

Clifford's Good Deeds by Norman Bridwell

F is for Flag by Wendy Cheyetter Lewison

Meet Our Flag, Old Glory by April Jones Prince

America the Beautiful: A Pop-Up Book by Katharine Lee Bates

Be a democracy for a day. Kids can vote on what to cook for dinner, what TV show to watch, or what board game to play. As kids get older, th

is can become a more regular part of your famili

es activities. (Of course, mom and dad get veto power.)

Pray together for the leaders of this country, as well as the soldiers at home and abroad.

Fireworks Art:

materials needed

cups of blue and red paint

straw

construction paper

water

newspaper or large cookie sheet with edges.

glitter (optional)

Cover your workspace with newspaper or have your child do their painting inside a cookie sheet with raised edges.

Add a little water to your paint to make it thinner.

Put small blobs of paint on the paper.

Let kids blow through a straw to move the paint around to make fireworks. Tell them to experiment-blow gently at first, then try fast bursts.

If you don't mind getting a little messy, let kids add different color glitter to the wet paint for extra sparkle!