Kindergarten Prep: Teach Your Kid to Play by the Rules

I see parents do it a lot.  Let kids "win" by changing the rules to a game in order to build their confidence.  The heart behind it is good, but ultimately, what your teaching your child is going to be a hindrance when they get around other kids.  I see the results of this especially in only children.  For example:

I had a group of students who wanted to play Candyland.  All of them were cheering and talking about how they played the game at home.  Two of them were playing by the traditional rules, but the third child kept wanting to play by a different set. "No, when I get two yellow, it actually means I can go four!"  "No, I don't have to miss my turn when I land there."  He's probably been allowed to "fudge" the rules at home, either because parents don't want to him to have to lose, or because they wisely know that Candyland can actually take up to four hours to play :)  Either way, the other kids were getting mad and he was really upset when he didn't win.

Teach your kids to play by the rules and to be good losers.  Teach them how to respond to losing by congratulating the winner (Good game!) and consoling themselves with positive statements (Maybe next time!  That was fun! You win some, you lose some! and Maggie's favorite, Bummer dude!).  Teach them to be good winners. (Maybe you'll win next time!  Thanks for playing with me.)

Play games that are age appropriate so you don't have to change anything.  Or if you do change the rules, explain what you are doing and why, and keep the changes consistent.  Tell them that when they are older you will teach them the big kid rules.  If you've got a younger sibling that wants to play, ask your older child to help make a different set of rules for them.  Keep it in the open and on the up and up.  Explain that when the younger child gets to be as old as they are, they will play by the real rules too.

Follow the rules yourself.  If your child sees you breaking the rules, they'll think it's okay to do it themselves, then wonder why they get into trouble.

What this will mean for your child:  They will be more confident when they lose and more gracious when they win.  Future classmates may find other faults with your child, but at least he won't be labelled "cheater" or "unfair", banning him from all group games on the playground.

What this will mean for their teacher: A child she can trust to be in charge of teaching other kids the rules, whether they be how to play a board game or how to walk down to the office with a message.