A Lesson in Self Esteem

I have recently had a child in my class that spends at least ten times a day in front of the mirror redoing her hair. Fixing her headband, shifting her clothes, just paying more attention than normal to her appearance. This is unfortunately not a rare occurrence in preschoolers. I see more and more children saying things like "I can't get my shoes dirty outside, my mom will get mad." and "My hair is messy."

Children naturally become more aware of their appearance about the age of four. They start paying attention to who has the cool backpack, the pretty hair clips, and the newest toy. But how much of this is natural development and how much is taught by us, the parents? How often have we said things like "I just can't do anything with my hair today!" or "I have nothing to wear!" Kids hear these things and what they hear is "Outward appearance is very important."

Here are some practical ways to encourage a healthy identity:

Most importantly, teach them who they are in Christ. God loved them enough to come down in the form of a man and die for their sins. They need to understand they are sinful, but God loves them despite this, because of Christ. If they accept Christ as the Lord of their life, He will give them an identity that cannot be shaken, no matter what the world says about them.

Compliment them on their character, often and specifically.

"You were very brave when you went to the doctor."

"It was kind of you to help your friend up the stairs."

"You were very patient while waiting for me to put your brother's shoes on."

Assess how much importance you put on your own appearance. Do you always have to on makeup before leaving the house? Do you buy clothes every new season? Do you make sure your kids have matching hair bows, socks, and shoes for every outfit?

Tell them that you are proud of them. What can they do that is unique to them? Kids are much more confident if they feel they have a skill or talent that is "theirs." Maybe it's drawing, maybe it's music, maybe they are really good at building with legos! Compliment them on their skill and encourage them to develop it.

Teach them that healthy is the goal, not a specific clothing size. When they ask you why you work out, tell them you want to be healthier or to have more energy, not to look better or to loose that "baby fat."

How will our children learn to love the homeless, the poor, the different, in short, to love like Jesus, if they are worried about what they look like on the outside?

Psalm 118:8 "It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."

Psalm 139:13-14 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

1 Samuel 16:7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”