How to Say Goodbye

In every child's life, there will be a time when they have to say goodbye to their parents.  It may just be a trip to the grocery store, a date night out for mom and dad, or for some parents, a more routine goodbye as they are dropped off for childcare.  While it's never easy, a healthy goodbye is a skill that children (and parents) need to learn.  Here are some pointers I've put together to help moms and dads make that transition easier.

1.  Prep your child beforehand.  Kids feel more secure when they know what to expect.  If you can check out the place and do a "dry run" ahead of time, do so.  Explain in simple terms why you are leaving them, for how long (even though they can't understand fully) and who will be taking care of them.  If you can, give them a definite time of pick up they can understand, like "right after lunch" or "while you are sleeping."

2.  Be excited about it!  If you get pumped up about Sunday school, a night with Grandma or a new preschool, the will be (more) likely to look forward to it too.

3.  Be brief.  Make your goodbye's simple and quick.  Tell them you love them, you will be back to get them soon, and to have fun.  Then give a big kiss and a hug and walk away!  DO NOT HOVER.  This only makes the child think there is a chance you will take them with you and makes it harder.

4.  Say goodbye.  I have seen parents "sneak out" while their child was engaged in a toy or story.  Can you imagine their fear when they turn around and suddenly mom or dad isn't there anymore? Say goodbye, but make it quick.

5.  Don't "check on" your child five minutes later to make sure they are adjusting.  No matter how sneaky you are, your child will see you, and they will get upset again. If you want to see how they are doing, call or ask another friendly mom to peek into the room for you.

5.  Expect a few tears.  If your kiddo is used to being with you 24/7, being left with someone else , no matter how familiar, can be a scary deal.  Trust me, they will adjust. (And have fun without you! Gasp!)

6.  Be consistent.  If there is a regular place you will be dropping your child off, like Sunday school or preschool or a Moms day out, try to be there at the same time every time.  This goes back to the security in expectations idea.  If your kiddo knows that every Sunday they will go to the same room, they will begin to expect it and transition more easily.

7.  Pick them up when you say you will.  Don't be the schmuck parent that's busy chitchatting while your kiddo is watching all the other kids go home before them.  If you are going to be late, give a call and send a message to your kiddo.  If you pick them up when you say you will, you build trust.  The more trust builds up, the more easily your child will let you go.